The next portion in the study of the book of Colossians is chapter 3:18-21 and concerns the relationship between wives and husbands.

However, before we take those passages up it would help to cover the references to wives and husbands in 1 Peter 3:1-7 as sort of a preamble.

The reason for this is the nature of the subject and the necessity to avoid any misunderstandings.

There are only two goals here, one is to rightly interpret God’s word and the other is to lift up the church, the body of Christ on earth. There is no hidden agenda.

If we are to know God better it is necessary to know how to relate to each other as well, without this balance Christian growth is hindered, even crippled.

The following passages do not cover everything on relationships but they are a good start. With this in mind, let us examine 1 Peter 3:1-7.

There will be some references to 1 Peter chapter 2, so if you will read these chapters at some point it will help you to judge critically the validity of any statements made herein, as I hope you always will.

“Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the Word, they without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives…” 1 Peter 3:1.

“Wives, be submissive to your own husbands”; who wrote this?

1 Peter 1:1 says, “Peter an apostle of Jesus Christ, to the pilgrims of the dispersion…”

Peter wrote it. He was a fisherman who would cast his net out into the sea and drag it in when it was full of fish, and let them flop around and die on the bottom of his boat. Talk about a control freak.

No wonder he wanted women kept under submission. What does Peter have to say about this?

“For we did not follow cunningly devised fables when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but were eyewitnesses of His majesty.” 2 Peter 1:16.

And the Apostle Paul tells us.

“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God [God breathed], and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness…” 2 Timothy 3:16.

Therefore, if Paul is telling the truth and Peter is a righteous man, then God is the one who dictated 1 Peter 3:1.

God is a woman hater!

But why would a righteous, Almighty God, do this?

Do you believe that a sovereign, all-powerful, infinitely loving God would really create one being to love and another to trample under foot?

Do you really believe such nonsense? Well, I do not.

Women are something special in the eyes of God and were designed a certain way with a real purpose in mind.

The two, male and female, represent a positive to the negative (remembering that, like charges repel each other), that the bond might be all the tighter and unbreakable.

I am not speaking here of physical design, though the necessity of such design should be obvious to all. No, it is the mental and emotional design that is in view here.

Men and women read the Bible one line at a time and believe they have all the answers; forgetting that a book of over 3,000 pages might have more to say on a subject than one line.

Men read women one line at a time, women read men one line at a time, and forget that, like snowflakes or fingerprints, every individual is unique.

And all look at God one line at a time and forget that He is infinite. He cannot be put in a box. And while putting God in a box they filter all of the information through their own misconceptions and prejudices, and then they form their worldview.

While it is nearly impossible to have a completely balanced worldview – it is possible to know enough to have peace in your life. However, using the above method you will gain nothing.

Therefore, if the Bible is a single book made up of many lines, then there must be a more satisfactory answer to, “wives, be submissive to your own husbands…” than men just want to subjugate women.

The very first word in 1 Peter 3:1 is “likewise”. This word means, in the same way, so let us change this verse to say, “In the same way you wives, be submissive to your own husbands.”

Wives should be in submission, in the same way as what? Look at the latter part of 1 Peter chapter 2, here is the answer. This section speaks of servants and Christ (Himself a servant on earth).

“Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh.” I Peter 2:18.

“For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: ‘Who committed no sin, nor was guile [deceit] found in His mouth’; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed [submitted] Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness – by whose stripes you were healed.” I Peter 2:21- 24.

These passages tell servants to be in submission to their masters reminding them that they have an example in Christ Jesus who submitted Himself to the Father’s will no matter what.

“But Jesus called them to Himself and said to them, ‘You know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.’” Mark 10:42-45.

“[Jesus] made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a servant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.” Philippians 2:7-8.

God has not asked us to do anything He Himself has not done. So the words, “Likewise you wives”, is pointing us to Jesus, as the above shows.

However, the similarity of wording in verses 2:18 and 3:1 should be carefully noted. “Servants, be submissive to your masters” and, “wives, be submissive to your own husbands”.

Both the servant and the wife are urged to submit in these verses and, really, they are reminded of the obedience of Christ, even unto death, as their example.

Who are the servants that Peter is referring to here? At the time this was written Rome ruled the entire civilized world. And the vast majority of this world did not enjoy the rights of citizenship.

Not only, not citizens, but many of these were slaves, some estimates put the number of slaves in Rome and Italy as being 1 of every 3 persons, and in the entire Roman Empire, 1 in every 5 or 6 were slaves.

When you consider that the average Christian then was either, dirt poor, a slave, or in bondage, you come to realize that the servants, being asked to submit, were actually the husbands of the wives who were being asked to be in submission to them.

Wife submits to husband. Husband submits to master. Master submits to governing authorities.

Take heart, God did not single you wives out. He wants all to submit.

This pattern is throughout Scripture. Wives submit to husbands, Israel submits to Pharaoh (In God’s timing), Israel submits to her king.

If they forsake God, they submit to the Assyrians and the Chaldeans, even though by force. Jesus submitted to His parents as a child and to His Father (God) as an adult.

Wives do not let the prejudices of society rob you of your reward.

As we consider these verses, the outcome of your response to this exhortation takes on greater impact. 1 Peter 3:1-2 continues by saying that even some husbands who:

“…do not obey the Word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear [reverence for one’s husband].” 1 Peter 3:1b-2.

How many wives are writhing in anguish on their knees, weeping loudly, as they cry out for the salvation of their husbands, or even their return to a godly path?

And so, be encouraged; continue without ceasing. Nevertheless, I ask you, what face do you show him? Is it a nagging one (not from anger, but from sheer desperation)?

Are you constantly trying to drag him to church, get him involved in functions, having friends over to talk? Where in the Bible do you find verses to support these tactics?

It does not hurt to ask him to these things, just so he will know he is welcome, but to try to force a man is like trying to get him to ask for directions when you are lost.

“…they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” I Peter 3:1c-2.

You have given them the gospel, you live your life in a godly manner, and you allow Christ to change your life.

If after years of being a Christian, a woman is still a chain smoking, hard drinking, profane, lazy, gossiping, shrike, pick any two or more. Then her husband will see nothing to draw him to Christ.

Moreover, it might be that she needs to examine her own faith. Christ will make a difference in the way you live your life, period, it may be small, it may be slow, but if you read your Bible, pray, and have fellowship with godly people, you will change.

God loves you; He will not leave you crying out in the dark pit of this world. This is a difficult walk dear ladies I kid you not, but in the end, when you stand before God and He says “Well done thou good and faithful daughter.” it will all be worth it.

“…when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” 1 Peter 3:2.

Yes, they observe you. The things that they see speak to them much louder than words. Chaste, here means, pure from faults, or immaculate. Talk about a tall order!

Nevertheless, such conduct is for us all, male or female, and presents a goal that all must stretch out to grasp. It is possible brothers and sisters, but not easy.

When it is accomplished though, it is like a starburst flare; suddenly the darkest place is like daylight. Just as it was when Jesus of Nazareth was in Galilee.

“The land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, the way of the sea, beyond the Jordan, Galilee of the Gentiles: the people who sat in darkness saw a great light, and upon those who sat in the region and shadow of death light has dawned.” Matthew 4:15-16.

We have the power to light up the world, just as Jesus did.

Let us look at the word fear before we move on. The word fear in 1 Peter 3:2 means a reverence for the husband, but this idea extends beyond the husband who is fallible.

Looking at the wife’s motivation behind this it shows a true reverential trust, in God, both in trusting Him to hear her prayers and also to reach her husband.

If we are so controlled by the Spirit that we continually want to please God, then we will find this godliness moving us to having a character more like Christ Jesus.

We fear God in a healthy manner wanting only to please Him. Not out of terror of retribution and punishment, but for the sake of someone you love.

Many men and women, spend their whole lives trying to please a parent; “If I just get all “A’s” in school, then they will be pleased or love me more.”

Or, “If I excel at sports or hit the winning homerun, then I will hear the praise I struggle so hard for.”

Or, “If I could just cook or sew just a little better, mother will have to love me more than she does her nieces.”

However, it never comes, does it?

Quite likely, your parents do love you, but something happened along the way as they grew up that turned them cold or unable to express certain emotions.

Even now, as an adult, you try to be thoughtful, successful, or helpful and in your mind all you need to do is be patient and eventually their hearts will change and they will express their hidden love for you. This is not going to happen, ever.

Would you like some good advice?

Quit. It has not worked yet, has it? “Well, yes you got almost all “A’s”, but a “B” in Chemistry?” “You did score the winning hit in the ballgame, but your swing still needs a lot of work.” “Your first cake was fairly good, but it was a little lopsided and the frosting was uneven wasn’t it?” You cannot wear something like this down. Quit.

Do not quit loving and caring for them. God wants you to do all you can to be a loving responsible son or daughter but stop expecting approbation or even some overt show of love, or an “I’m sorry.”

Stop robbing your spouse or your children of love and time you should be spending with them. Stop feeling guilty if you are not continually trying to please your parents.

Well now, we have a vacuum do we not? You have grown up with the need for love or approval. That is not going to go away. You can lavish some of the attention on your family now. They may like that.

Another thing that would be a great help for you would be to deepen your relationship with God through prayer and meditation on His word. I do not know how He will respond to that because everyone has different needs.

I would like to interject a thought here, and this is important, God loves you right now, no matter what you are doing or what you have done. God is love, God is infinite and His love is infinite.

He loves you and me infinitely right now, there is nothing you or I can do to make Him love us more.

It is Satan’s lie that God is like a parent that you just cannot please. There is no truth to that, so try not to compare God’s love with that of people you just could not satisfy.

Very often, when you do something from the heart in your love for God, the devil will come in and make you question your motivations, or cause your actions to be misunderstood by others, robbing you of your joy. He will then tell you that you are not pleasing God and that you are just selfish.

Tell him that you reject his accusations then go to God and pray, “Were my motives from the heart, was it not for love of You that I did this? Deliver me from the accusations of the devil.”

You can be assured of this. God will never forget one thing you have ever done for Him from the heart.

In addition, you can know as surely as He sits on His throne now that you will hear from His own lips and in His own voice how much He loves you and of the rewards for service done just for Him.

Before you go too far though, please understand this, fearing God, pleasing God, reverently trusting God is not going out and joining every church function, you can find.

Committees, boards, Bible studies and Sunday school Classes, busyness, do not necessarily please God. Your personal relationship with God needs to be built up first.

This relationship, it is true, grows through Bible study, prayer, and associating with godly people, church attendance and personal quiet times. These are the building blocks not the building.

Then as you draw nearer to God you will better see what pleases Him and your “chaste conduct accompanied by fear”, will speak volumes to your husband and family.

Chaste Conduct Part 1 taken from godisrevealed.com posted on 2-26-14, updated on 4-29-20.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version, copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission, all rights reserved.