“Likewise you husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7.

Some women will look at this and say, “One verse! It takes six for us women and only one for the men!”

The marvelous thing about these passages is that you can hear God speaking tenderly to the women in the first six verses. However, when you get to verse seven you see God standing there with a club in hand.

The speech is still gentle, but the punishment for disobedience is crippling, “that your prayers may not be hindered.” The ungodly would not understand this.

Nevertheless, anyone who depends on God’s constant care and sustenance to get through life would do anything to prevent such a break in communication between himself and God.

“Likewise you husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding…” 1 Peter 3:7a.

Likewise, in what manner, what does this mean?

Well in the same way the women submit to their husbands for the sake of the Lord, even so the man is to dwell with his wife with understanding.

Not as though you are something wonderful; but by remembering that the wives are doing this as unto the Lord.

Men and women have a tendency to look at someone who is just trying to be kind and gentle for the Lord’s sake and assume it is because they are a doormat and they wipe their feet on them instead of treating them with the same respect they are receiving.

This is a trait of human nature. We are totally self-centered beings; this is something of the sin nature.

The desire to be seems natural and right but it puts us on the throne in our hearts instead of Christ. The result is one of putting ourselves before God and makes others a means of gaining or maintaining our goals.

You see this particularly in young leaders (though older ones too are guilty) whether in business or church they have to have the preeminence in everything.

Look for this attitude when you study the life of Christ in the four Gospels. You will not find it.

A self-centered person will have little regard for a humble person. As a result, when the wife subjects herself to this type of man he cannot help but feel as though it is his due. It is not.

Conversely, if the husband feels he is not getting the respect he deserves his attitude may become more harsh and demanding and bitterness builds on both sides.

He demands, she digs in her heels. What should have started out as a desire to do God’s will has been turned in to a battle of wills.

Always remember that in any interactions, personal or social, Satan’s desire is to divide and destroy. He does this because it works. Think about that, especially if you are a long way down this road already.

A characteristic that some husbands have is similar to the above. This man lords it over the wife and children. Obviously, he demands submission from all. And he can quote Scripture to back himself up.

However, he also expects obedience and respect. Sometimes if this does not happen, the punishment can be severe particularly for the children. He metes out severe punishment because he can.

This is not right, truly not right, if you call yourself a Christian. Now I confess it is quite possible that you respond in a harsh, even cruel manner because that is how your father treated you.

You know though, that is only going to fly so far. As an adult, you are going to have to take responsibility for your own actions.

Do not be discouraged though. Christ is in the business of changing personalities. You will have to come to Christ, confess your sins, and sincerely ask for help in changing.

Scripture tells us we are:

“…predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son…” Romans 8:29.

What that means is that God wants to look in our eyes and see Jesus. And He is going to have that even if He has to drag us kicking and scratching all the way. Cooperation seems the easier path.

“Likewise you husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding…” 1 Peter 3:7a.

To dwell with your wife means to live with them in the home, caring for them, and supporting them, in short carrying out your conjugal responsibilities. Understanding implies two-way communications. You will not only have to listen but you will have to speak.

If a woman understands what you are attempting to do or what is concerning you, she may tend to relax a bit more. Especially if she sees, you are taking a given situation seriously.

The average woman wants security of one sort or another. A home or apartment she can call her own.

In other words not living with your parents or another couple, anything where she can settle in and run the household without interference from someone else who may feel it is their right to change things to their liking.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24.

Everyone is different and some things may not be disturbing to your wife, nevertheless security is a big issue. Secure in your love, secure in knowing you listen to her, secure in your ability to take care of her. You must understand this. Communication whether you are good at it or not will short circuit a lot of trouble.

“…Giving honor to the wife…” 1 Peter 3:7b.

Here is kind of an interesting balance, “Giving honor to the wife”, while she is in submission to you. This really changes the idea from a master slave relationship as many see it, to two godly people pleasing God. Can you see how this sort of loving relationship would draw two people closer?

Look carefully at the relationship between Jesus Christ and His Father and Jesus Christ and His bride. All these things are pictures of God in all His glory.

How good of God to give His Son for our sakes. Not for good people but for those in complete rebellion and utterly lost, as all who have accepted Christ as their savior once were. What glorious mercy and grace.

How wonderful for Christ to so submit to the Father in all things and especially even to such a horrible death. Scripture tells us:

“…looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2.

This joy is multifaceted. His joy is in the relationship He now has with us and will have for eternity through His sacrifice on the cross.

His joy also will be and is now in the glorifying of the Father through His strict obedience.

You see this is the obedience that was expected of Adam (in his case not to die but by doing the will of God), but he rebelled by disobeying God as all have done since. Man, instead of glorifying God brought reproach upon Him.

“The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you…” Romans 2:24.

This has been so since the fall in the Garden of Eden. Many Christians continue to bring reproach on the name of God because they excuse themselves by saying they are under grace, not law. This is true, but they use this as justification for sloppy Christian living.

What does the Apostle Paul say?

“What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? ”Romans 6:1-2.

We were bought with a price. How can we continue to live our lives as though that were not so?

“And if you call on the Father, who without partiality judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves throughout the time of your sojourning here in fear; knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot.” 1 Peter 1:17-19.

What further motivation do we have to honor the wife? Well we want to honor God in Christ. We do so by being obedient to the word of God and by realizing that all of us, husbands and wives, were nothing but hell bound rebels before God.

If Christ had not been obedient to death on the cross, we would all have perished. Both husband and wife are equal in this and no one should look at the other and assume they are somehow superior in the eyes of God.

As you honor her, submission should come to her more easily.

But what does it mean by honor? There is the obvious, compliment and appreciate her for her cooking, housekeeping, wisdom in raising the children and how she deals with those around her; whatever it is that she does well.

Listen to her, think of what she is saying rather than thinking of things to reply to her. Ask questions about the things she has said consider what she has said and then reply to her.

Be tactful, men do not have all the answers and their wives may see something from a perspective that they had not considered.

Honor also means giving her a home to the best of your ability; clothing her in a manner befitting her station beside you in life.

What is meant by this is if a person is an executive, she should be clothed as one would expect an executive’s wife to appear. A white or blue collar worker’s wife should be able to dress nicely. Not in rags, while her husband puts all of his money into his new boat.

She is to be cared for, nurtured, and made to feel special to you. Bring her flowers for heaven’s sake; you do not need an occasion, nor do they need to be expensive, she knows what you can afford.

Care for her at all times as you would your children, she is not a child, but she should be able to depend on you for many of the same things your children take for granted.

Be concerned for her health and well-being, stay close by during childbirth and during any serious (or just serious to her) medical problems or procedures. Do not say, “Don’t be such a child!” and leave her to herself.

What is real to her is real, you may try to talk her through something, but if it does not change anything, stay with her. Women can be fearful and often panicky. It is the man’s job to work with her on these issues, not abandon her.

There is a Jewish saying which is very appropriate here: “If thy wife be short of stature, bow thyself, and whisper to her.”

God is serious about this, if a man cannot care for his own wife and his household, how can he be expected to handle greater things that God may have for him to do?

“He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much.” Luke 16:10.

Chaste Conduct Part 4 taken from godisrevealed.com posted on 3-8-14, updated on 5-10-20.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version, copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission, all rights reserved.