“Do not let your beauty be that outward adorning of arranging the hair, of wearing gold, or of putting on fine apparel, but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” 1 Peter 3:3-4.

Women tend to take this verse to the extreme either way. In one way the dress goes from the neck to the floor in muted prints if any, no jewelry; wedding band excepted, and long hair.

The other direction says, I am a woman and I have every right to dress just as I please.

It is true that in many conservative Christian churches there are women; especially the ones who are a little older who have a nice appearance without looking either muted or overdone.

There are also many women who dress in either of these extremes and are still Christians.

Some women may fear that the vamp is going to steal her husband or boyfriend, so it is probably a good idea to avoid such a person. Wisdom tells us, “you can’t judge a book by its cover”, the fact is, that most people do.

Let us expand on this a little more. However, before we do, notice how part of this verse is shown in the New American Standard Bible.

“And let not your adornment be external only…” 1 Peter 3:3.

The word “only” seems to be a much clearer way of explaining God’s intent in this verse. In a way there is a balancing act going on here between verses three and four. And the word “only” helps to set that up.

The word “only” changes this verse into a much more specific statement. It is not here excluding wearing of fine apparel, or jewelry, or a nice hairdo. God simply does not want you going to any extreme where people may write you off.

Returning to the word “only”, the danger here is one of not knowing when to stop, or justifying an extreme. The word “only” is freedom not license.

There are some questions you can ask yourself in a moment if 1 Peter 3:3 has given you some problems.

A while ago, I visited a church that was having an evening music program. The service was basically, young adult and casual dress. As folks came in, I noticed a very beautiful blonde walking in, wearing Levi shorts, tennis shoes and a slightly revealing red blouse.

Now you know men, what do you suppose many of them were concentrating on through the service? It was my hope then, and still is, that this young lady was a very new Christian and has since put more thought into her clothing.

From this springs the first question. Does your attire at church detract attention away from Christ and onto you? You will agree that the word demure would be an excellent sign to hang over your church wardrobe.

The second question is similar to the first. At work or in leisure clothes, what will people be concentrating on when you tell them about Christ? You or the One of whom you are speaking. That deserves an honest answer not a rationalization.

Getting back to judging a book by its cover, everyone does it. People are going to judge the messenger by what they see and the giving of your message is going to be uphill or downhill depending on this initial perception.

Another question that should be considered is this. When a man (or young man) is attracted to you, what do you want him to want you for?

At some point, Marilyn Monroe desired to be recognized as a serious actress, which she should have been. I believe Raquel Welch has had some of those same longings.

These women deserved more artistically but they started on beauty and no one was able to see anything else.

Be careful how you present yourself. Even if you are witty, intellectual, or just comfortable to be around, the relationship may remain shallow because the man who romances you is considering nothing but your outward appearance.

A number of young girls I have known even from church have found themselves pregnant and alone, simply because they have emphasized the wrong assets.

Scantily clad they attract the boy who is interested only in what he sees. For a time he will play to that, until he gets what he wants. Then when the going gets tough, he is gone.

The nicer you dress, the more likely you are to attract someone who is willing to fall in love with you; not an ideal.

And I might add the less likely you are to have a sleaze ball crowding into the front of the line and denying you the chance to even meet a nice young man.

There are a lot more dynamics here than just clothes, so it would be too simplistic to stop right here. Please let us take this a bit further before continuing.

Did you know that young men tend to pick women like their mothers? Choosing can be done across a room without any use of a computer. Her gestures, her mannerisms, her voice, all call out in unspoken words everything he needs to know to become attracted.

The same with women, they will be drawn to someone like their father. However, say the father was an alcoholic or some such serious flaw. The daughter says, “I will never marry anyone like that lout!”

Unless you are careful though, the rules of engagement do not change.

The daughter goes out and purposely picks a man who is in control and will not drink. Yet she is unhappy. She has found a man who is not drunk and out of control. She has found one sober and too cold and controlling.

I do not believe in fate and mental programming. I believe the pitfalls can be avoided but not without Christ, not without fervent prayer and counsel.

Watch for red flags. Does he tear you down a lot, and say he is just kidding? Is he always drinking? Does he run around on you? Do not even let him hit you!

Do not let these things slide even if he says he is a Christian. Kick him loose, you will get over it. The sooner you make a decision the less emotional entanglement.

Some women fool themselves by saying, “But I love him. He will change for me. He had a bad childhood.” You are about to chain yourself to forty miles of bad road.

Some girls will go out and find the meanest, ugliest psychopath they can find and marry him just to spite their hateful father.

What have they done? They have just traded in life with father and doomed themselves to an entire lifetime of something as bad as or worse than life with father. How we have cut off our nose to spite our face.

“…the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:14b-16.

Marriage is not the slight thing that Hollywood has made it. It is one of the most important life decisions you will ever make. If you want to obey the Lord and be submissive to your husband, your selection had better be good.

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4.

Lastly, before we continue on to the next post which deals with 1 Peter 3:4; ask yourself some questions; do not go through life helplessly like a chip of wood drifting down a swiftly moving stream.

What do I want in a man? Why do I dress this way? Why am I ignoring all these red flags? Why am I ignoring good advice? Am I more afraid of living alone or of not following Christ?

“Keep your heart [soul, your mind] with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23.

“Ponder [carefully consider] the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established” Proverbs 4:26.

Chaste Conduct Part 2 taken from godisrevealed.com posted on 3-3-14, updated on 5-4-20.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version, copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission, all rights reserved.